LET US TALK ABOUT SEX

One day, I was having a discussion with the Human Resource Manager that is involved in the recruitment of employees for prospective companies. As we are getting on, a funny question just popped up in my mind.

I asked him, “My friend, as the manager of the Human Resources you must have being coming across multiple number of CVs. In your own assessment, what do you think is the hobbies that are more prevalent among the Nigerian job – seekers?”

“Well” he answered “to my own objective view, the hobbies most of the Nigerian job – seekers always identify with are;

1.      Reading

2.      Meeting new people

3.      Travelling

4.      Listening to news

5.      Research

This is my objective view, remember?”

“So what is your subjective view?”

“My subjective view… well from the point of view of a manager, I will say that the hobbies that the prospective employees are writing is not reflective of who they are. Come to think of it, 95% of the CVs/Resumes that we receive mention ‘Reading’ as a hobby, 75% mention ‘Travelling’, 80% mention ‘Meeting new people’ and ‘Research’. That one is by the way. According to the statistics available to me, Nigerian universities produces about 500 000 graduates per annum. Are you following me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Now let us do this analysis…

If Nigerian universities graduates about 500 000 students and 95% says that their hobby is ‘Reading’, it means that about 475 000 students are voracious and chronic readers. If this is so then who are the party goers, the town goers and the weekend jivers. What of the protesters and acti…”

(Cuts in) “My friend, this analysis holds no water. Do you expect them to be bookworms in order to show that they are readers?”

“Chidozie”

“I am listening.”

“Do you know the meaning of the word ‘Hobby’? A hobby is an activity that you enjoy doing in your spare time. It is not something that demands a lot of effort and perspiration from you. It is what you do in order to relax yourself. There are some people that partying relaxes, others watching movies and some others smoking relaxes them. The point I am trying to make is why everybody is choosing ‘Reading as one of their hobbies?”

“It is an act of desperation. Is it not the circumstance that pushes them to the wall so man have to do and say anything in order to survive.”

“Now how many of them has succeeded, how many have gotten the job. So do they think that we the interviewers are fools? A person’s hobby determines the person’s personality and character. We are trained to carry out a psychological profile on each of our job – seeking candidates. All those time we are asking them one question and another, we are actually doing psychological profile. Your answer matters little, your manner matters a lot.”

“How do you mean ‘manners’?”

“Yes, if you are sincere and honest, it will reflect in your manners and body language and if you are not then your manners and body language will show it. This is what we are looking at.”

“I see” I thought to myself.

“My brother, so what you are saying is that it is better to state what and who you are, no need of deceit.”

“Exactly”

“Ok. The issue is that my hobby is kind of unique.”

“My friend” the HRM retorted “there is no hobby that I haven’t heard of. What is so special about your hobby?”

I looked at my friend, look up and down, smile and said,

“SEX is my hobby.”